Weeknote 15 – Finding my flow

Someone asked me the other week what helps me ‘find my flow’. I didn’t really know what to say. I don’t feel like I’ve felt that feeling for a while. I was a bit stumped.

I started writing this weeknote about a week ago. At the time I was reflecting on why I was struggling to find that feeling of being in flow. I realised I was in a phase of work where a number of the things I struggle with were all present at the same time.

1. I’m bad at starting, usually because I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing
2. I (still) struggle to sit with uncertainty even after almost 10 years of working in an industry that relies on it
3. I’m working on a project that is quite abstract. I like tangible things

This reflection was all well and good. But then I got Covid.

Finding my flow become even further out of reach. I had to stop.

I’m bad at resting at the best of times but being freelance I found it even harder. There is no boss to tell you to down tools. I’m in control of my own workload and it has to be my choice to stop.

Dealing with all the things I just outlined alongside Covid with a dollop of imposter syndrome thrown in meant last week was tough.

But I’m slowly starting to see glimmers of that flow coming back. I’m grateful to Deb for highlighting this idea to me because it meant I’ve been on the look out for them.

People are a big part of it for me. I’m working with some excellent humans right now. Having a full half day working session with the charity start up team I’m a part of felt good. Talking out my imposter syndrome with Zoe Amar when I was at my lowest on Tuesday was invaluable. She called me even though I told her not to because she knew I needed it.

Getting back to hands on work in Figma felt good. Writing users stories, finding themes and planning workshops. I felt productive and creative. The brain fog was starting to lift and the flow seeping in. I was working shorter days and taking long breaks I promise!

I’m also starting to think beyond the tasks I’m doing and reflect on what type of projects help me find my flow. I’m helping design two new charities at the moment. I’m realising that these projects are my happy place. Design has always been about making for me, creating new things and putting them out in the the world.

As a permanently employed service designer I didn’t get many opportunities to do this but those I did get stuck with me as highlights. Designing a new catering service for an Irish supermarket chain, a new planning service for Hackney council and of course the infamous vaccination booking service.

It’s feels like I’m narrowing my market massively to focus Joy on designing only new services. But it also feels right because it’s what I love the most of all.